It's All About Soul Rewrite
by Darthnikki
Summary: Rewrite of It's all about soul. I wasn't really happy with the original, so have added and subtracted parts. Please review and give me your input. Brotherhood AU verse. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N; This is a rewrite of a story I did earlier in the year using Ridleys brotherhood. It was meant to be my own take on the story of Dean coming back from hell, but I got so nervous using such a wonderful verse that I wrote myself into a corner and in truth have never been truly happy with the version I have on the net. So here I go again, I hope this is a better version, and that the bloody cursed underlining demon who keeps making an appearance stays away this time. (Throws around some rock salt to be safe). What I'm going to do with this is take my time, rather than rush it. Reviews would be greatly appreciated, but if you must criticize please make it constructive. Cheers guys._

_It's All About Soul. (Rewrite)._

_The first thing that Dean saw when he opened his eyes was…….nothing, It was so dark and cramped that he wasn't sure where the hell he was, he reached into his jeans pocket and struggled to pull out his lighter. He flipped it open and managed to light it on the third attempt, a strangled cry came from his throat when he realised just where he was. He was in a casket. A closed casket. He yelled out calling for anyone to hear him, his voice was hoarse and scratchy from misuse, so he cleared his throat and tried again. It was useless, he knew that no-one could hear him, as he himself could hear nothing from the outside. He took some calming breaths knowing that in his panicked state hyperventilating wasn't going to help any. He kicked his feet at the end of the casket hoping to at least make a crack. He started to punch his way through the lid clawing at the material and slamming his fists into the wood. It splintered beneath his punches, earth falling through onto his face 'oh my God I'm buried alive' was his thought as he scrambled to free himself from the underground prison. He pulled himself through the earth his strong hands pushing the dirt aside till he felt air around his fingers. He kept on pushing, the dirt clawing at his throat making it hard to breathe, but he pushed on till he breathed in the sweet clean air and pulled himself from the grave._

_He looked around him hoping that he'd at least recognise where the heck he was but didn't recognise anything. It looked like some sort of bomb had gone off, all around him where trees that looked like they'd been laid to waste. Turning around slowly he saw that he had climbed out of an unmarked grave a simple white cross at its head, he shuddered and moved away walking towards the road. _

_God was he thirsty he felt like he'd swallowed a mound of dirt, his arms ached, his chest hurt from feeling like he was suffocating, but he pushed himself onwards. He saw a small garage not far away and made towards it hoping that someone would be there who would take pity on him, tell him at least just where the heck he was. He'd felt his pockets and his wallet was gone, so no money then. He racked his brains whilst he walked trying to remember just what had happened to him. The last thing he could remember was being in new hope with Sam and that bitch Lilith. Oh God Sam, where the hell was Sam ? _

_How the hell had he got in a grave ? and why would a demon place a make shift cross over it? It was something that a loved one would do, or at least someone who gave a shit to take the time to do it._

" _What the fuck ?! Am I dead ? " he ran a hand across his face a memory suddenly coming to him of hellhounds tearing at his flesh and his little brother screaming for it to stop, but then nothing. _

_Had he gone to hell ? Was this hell ? He kept walking towards the garage, he expected hell to be at least hot with maybe flames and stuff but then again he supposed that hell wouldn't look like the cover of a Iron Maiden album, he smirked at the thought of Eddie showing up with his mad hair flying in all directions. He reached the garage but it looked deserted, he felt in his pockets to see if he had anything that he could use to pick the lock, but came up with nothing so punched his already bleeding hand through the glass and unlocked the door_

_He entered quietly and found the fridges at the back, opened one and downed a bottle of water. He needed to get the hell out of dodge but needed supplies so he grabbed some plastic bags and filled them with water and peanut m&m's, opening the cash register he took out some bills, it wasn't stealing right? He was in need of cash besides he'd pay it back…..eventually. He headed to the washroom he needed to see just what damage the hounds had done to him. He looked in the mirror and lifted his shirt but his skin was smooth and intact, no sign of scarring, anywhere. He lifted his shirt off and saw a large red hand print on his left shoulder,_

" _What the hell is that from ?'' he asked out loud, he shook his head it was all so confusing, he needed to find Sam, he left the bathroom and saw a magazine stand he grinned when he saw a copy of 'Busty Asian Beauties' and placed a copy in his bag along with his other supplies. His eyes then found a paper he read the date 'September 8__th__ 2008' he'd been gone 4 months. _

_Four months and he couldn't remember a thing from his time in hell. Had he even been? If he had, maybe it was a good thing that he couldn't remember, did he even want to remember his time there? But how had he got back? Was he back? His head started to buzz and Dean gripped the sides of his head, his bleeding hands fisted in his hair. He tried to shake the sound away but it only intensified. A monitor at the side of him blinked on, Dean reached out and turned it of but it turned back on, static blaring from the speakers. The windows began to shake Dean searched the small area and found some salt and began to pour it across the entrances his heart thundering in his ears and slamming against his chest. He crouched down as the buzzing became louder and covered his ears, the windows began rattling dangerously in their frames till they shattered spreading glass everywhere, he removed his hands from his ears to be met with silence. The silence was worse than the buzzing, his heart was still hammering in his chest and his breath was coming in panicked pants, he tried to take deep calming breaths and stood on shaky legs looking out of the shattered frames the area was as deserted as it was before._

_Dean frowned something had to have made the glass shatter, and what was with the buzzing? Was he? Was he a demon? Ruby had said it would take centuries but what if they'd escalated it in him somehow?_

_There was only one thing he could do and that was to find the nearest church get some holy water and drink it. When he was sure who or what he was he could find Sam and then they could find out together just what the hell was going on. _

_He left the safety of the garage and headed away from the grave and garage hoping that he didn't have far to go until he reached civilization. _

_He reached the small town as the sun was setting, he was exhausted all he wanted to do was sleep, the church would have to wait until morning he needed to find a motel and rest. He booked himself in at the 'Camelot Arms' under the name Rick Deckard and paid in cash, he avoided the flirting attendant and headed to his room. Sitting on the bed after entering the roach nest of a room he sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair. Okay first things first, a shower would be good then some sleep, he turned the shower on and undressed stepping into the warmth of the water it calmed his frayed nerves immediately, he washed himself and stepped out of the shower when the water turned cold, he draped the towel around his hips and lay on the bed falling into a dreamless sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He awoke a few hours later shivering, the clock at the side of the bed stated that it was 03:12 am he pulled his boxers and t-shirt on and climbed back under the covers, tomorrow he really had to invest in a change of clothes he fell back asleep instantly._

_He awoke late morning his stomach rumbling , he dressed and went into town he needed some more money he had no idea what he was going to do. He needed three things, clothes, money and food , not necessarily in that order but he needed to do something. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and wandered through the town, his mind was scrambling and the buzzing from the day before at the garage had started again. Dean began to panic what if it was demons coming to drag him back into hell? He stared around himself eyes wide breaths coming in quickened pants his head was spinning making him feel dizzy and disorientated. He spied the small church through his dazed unfocused eyes and made his stumbling way over to it, he rushed through the doors the buzzing almost deafening he covered his ears and whimpered _

" _No…please no. Someone…..anyone help me'', he felt arms circling him a soft voice whispering in his ear_

" _Its alright son, I've got you, your safe now'', Dean fell into the welcoming darkness, never before more grateful to be welcomed into oblivions sweet embrace._

_When Dean opened his eyes he found himself lying on a couch in a warmly lit study, he raised himself shakily into a sitting position a man who was maybe near his dads age was sat behind a desk. He had sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that reminded Dean of Pastor Jim. He swallowed the lump in his throat the thought of the Pastor making his eyes burn_

" _Hello……err…….thanks….what happened ?''_

" _You passed out, how are you feeling ?''_

" _How long was I out ?"_

" _Not long, a couple of hours. How are you feeling ?'', he gazed at Dean with his eyes shining brightly, they pierced into Deans soul making him wince under the penetrating look._

" _Better I guess'' he sighed and palmed his eyes " Thanks by the way for the help'' the priest smiled at him it lit his face up making him appear years younger_

" _You're welcome. How long have you been back?'' he asked, giving Dean a look full of concern_

" _Back ?!'' he swallowed again feeling bile rise at the back of his throat " Back from where ?''_

" _The war son ? How long have you been back from Iraq?''_

" _Not long'' Dean sighed, running a trembling hand through his hair, the priest nodded and gave Dean a sympathetic smile_

" _I was in Vietnam myself, know what you're going through. You got somewhere to stay? Some money?''_

_Dean shook his head he felt totally helpless,_

" _Got nothing but the clothes on my back father, where am I anyways?'' he asked confused_

" _James town, Arizona''_

" _Arizona?'' he asked confused, he had no idea how he'd got there Sam must have hauled his body from New Hope and buried him as far away from there as possible. At the thought of Sam having to bury him Deans head swam again and he felt the bile rise once more_

" _I think I'm going to be sick'' a trashcan was pushed into his lap and a gentle hand began to rub circles on his back. Dean heaved into the bin but as he hadn't eaten it was mainly painful dry heaves._

" _Its ok son I got you, listen I can't offer you much but you can stay here for a while if you want till you get back on your feet at least''_

" _Why would you do that? Why help me?'' Dean asked his voice rough from the heaving_

" _Its kind of my job, comes with the collar'' he gave Dean a smile which Dean returned if only half hearted_

" _Thanks'' it was all he could manage at the minute_

" _I've got clothes for the sale around here, why don't you have a look through see if there isn't anything that can fit you''._

_Dean rummaged through the bags and found some jeans and a couple of shirts that he could wear, the priest had been so kind, he'd setting up a cot in the small office for him and given him some money. He hated accepting charity but he'd said that he'd help the father to do some repairs that needed doing around the church. _

_He'd been with the father a couple of weeks now, he'd tried the holy water and found that it had no ill effect on him, no smoking mouth, no writhing around in agony. He'd even drawn a devils trap and been able to pass through it, so he was happy that he wasn't a demon. He was lay on the cot staring at the ceiling he still couldn't remember anything from his time in hell but he'd woken up in the night several times sweating, his heart hammering in his chest and screams coming from his sore dry throat. Now he couldn't sleep, he scrubbed a hand through his short golden brown hair and sighed looking at the phone on the fathers desk he made his way over to it. He'd tried calling Sam so many times now but had hung up before he'd finished dialling all the number, but now as he held the ringing phone to his ear he suddenly realised that he couldn't do this to his baby brother. Maybe Sam had moved on with his life, what right did he have to spoil that? He was about to hang up when the phone was answered_

" _Winchester'' the voice barked, Deans voice seemed to have stopped working that couldn't be Sam he sounded too much like his dad_

" _Hello……..is someone there?'' a pause then " Look I ain't got time for messing around either speak or I'm hanging up in five seconds. No . Okay then 5, 4, 3, 2''_

" _Sammy?'' he whispered to be met with silence, he heard a voice in the background then the phone being passed over to someone else_

" _Who the fuck is this?'', It was Caleb Reaves and he sounded very pissed off " I don't know what the fuck you're up to but you just messed with the wrong people''_

" _Damien?'', Dean was puzzled, what was Caleb doing with Sammy? Where they hunting together? _

" _Who is this?'' Calebs voice had become cold and hard,_

" _I'm…….I'm sorry….I shouldn't have… I gotta go I won't call again''. Dean hung up his cheeks wet with the tears that had spilled from his eyes he wiped at them, his brother was safe and with Caleb at least they where together and Caleb had done like Dean had asked all those months ago, he was looking after Sammy. He crossed to the cot and folded his body into it, it was his sobs that sent him to sleep that night shaking him to his very core. This was hell. He hadn't escaped, there was no release, he was alone and scared. Yes this was definitely hell, he knew it because he was alone, and he knew that that was his fate now._

_Caleb Reaves looked at the phone in his hand his mind racing, he'd just spoke to his best friend of that he was sure, but how? Dean was in hell he hadn't been able to save him, no body had. He'd failed miserably but he was certain that the voice had belonged to Dean, he looked to Sam who was pale and unmoving, his dark eyes shining with tears he looked like the five year old that he'd care for so many times._

" _Caleb? what was that?'' he asked his voice hitching,_

" _I don't know runt. It sounded like your brother but it can't have been right?''_

" _I don't know……….I just don't know'', Sam sat his shaky frame on the bed and ran a hand through his hair, he reached his hand over for his phone._

" _Let me check the number we'll probably be able to get a location'' Caleb handed the phone over and watched Sam as he wrote the number down and called information to get the location from where the caller had phoned from. He came off the call looking puzzled_

" _Well? Did you get it?'' Caleb asked with a brow raised,_

" _Yeah, it belongs to a church in James town Arizona. That's not far from here right?'',_

" _We can get there in a few hours if we haul ass''. Sam rose and began packing his bag, he strode around the room and looked to Caleb_

" _Well? Come on'' Caleb nodded and grabbed his things then reached out a hand grabbing Sams arm gently._

" _This might not be Deuce Sam, it could be those demon bastards fucking with us''_

" _I know…..but we have to make sure'', Caleb nodded and released the arm he had been holding onto tightly, they headed to the impala and set off towards James Town. _

_They arrived just after dawn and booked in at a motel paying by credit card, they asked where the church was and after getting directions put their bags in their room and went for some breakfast, they'd both decided on the journey to James Town that the best course of action would be to eat first then head to the church and try to find out who or what had called Sam. They ate quickly both wanting to get this over and done with, Sams heart was thundering in his ears as they entered the church there was a priest stood at the alter reading a bible, he was talking to someone quietly though that person had yet to make an appearance. As Caleb and Sam approached the priest, a younger man came into view he was dressed in ripped jeans and a black t-shirt Sams breath caught in his throat it was Caleb who spoke_

" _Dean?''._

_A/N; So I've added and subtracted, and will be doing the same with the other chapters, extending the story into possibly 5 chapters. I was thinking of taking the story in a different direction entirely, what do you all think? Would you like that? Or would you prefer I stick to the original story line? Let me know. Once this is up and completed I will be deleting the original. _


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was doing odd jobs for the priest or David as he'd been told to call him. He'd woken quite early despite his early morning call to his brother and best friend. He was cursing himself for his moment of weakness and stupidity, he wished he hadn't been so selfish. When he'd first woken up in a cold sweat from his nightmare, all he'd wanted was to hear a familiar voice. But after speaking to the two most important people in his life bar his parents, he knew what a big mistake he'd made.

He should have just let Sam get on with his life, left him alone, he obviously was getting on with his life as he'd been with Caleb. Dean was happy that Sam wasn't alone that he was at least with someone who knew him, could watch his back, cared about him. But he was a little jealous too. For him now that life was over he'd never have that again, and was damn well going to make sure that he wouldn't hurt anyone else. He was just going to stay clear of people, sure he'd talk to them just to be civil but it just hurt to damn much and it was a pain that he was tired of, hurt. If he was being honest with himself, he'd already grown close to the priest David that he'd been staying with, the man reminded him so much of the Pastor who'd been a such a guiding influence in his life, but he was planning on moving on soon, to where he had no clue but if he didn't go soon he never would. And if he knew anything about his brother and Caleb it was that they would come soon to investigate the caller that had sounded so much like the brother and best friend they cared about. He was determined to NOT be there when they arrived. He was just fixing the doors to the confessional quietly talking to David, a parishioner had got quite passionate in their last confession and had broken the door leaving. Dean had, had to repeat a statement he had used on many occasions before, ' demons I get, people are just crazy'.

" So I was thinking of moving on soon''

" Oh. Where to ? " David asked somewhat disappointed, he'd grown used to having Dean around,

" Not sure yet, just feel like its time to go'' Dean shrugged

" You can stay here if you want to Dean. There's always a place for you here'', Davids words sounded so like Pastor Jims, that Dean had to compose himself before he left his sanctuary that was shielding him from the mans prying blue eyes. He left the confessional wiping his hands on his jeans.

" Dean!?'',

Dean froze at the sound of Calebs voice, he was stuck to the spot, his voice wouldn't work and his mind was racing with what he could say. His brother and Caleb took tentative steps towards Dean who was really rocking the deer in head lights look.

" Can I help you?'' David asked, he stepped in front of Dean to shield him from view, he'd seen his young friend loose all his colour and had become instantly protective. He could hear Deans breathing pick up, it was coming in panicked gasps and although he couldn't hear it he was sure that his heart rate had increased ten fold. The older of the two men gave him a glare that could melt ice and he took a step backwards,

" Yeah you can padre, you can step the hell away from the freak behind you, and let me and my friend here do our job'' Caleb spat out

" And what job would that be?'' David asked

" None of your concern, now do the intelligent thing and step away from Dean, I mean that thing behind you. You don't know how dangerous he is'', he was looking round the Father at Dean.

" I don't know who you are young man, but no-one is going to hurt Dean. This young man has been through enough'',

" An, just what kinda bull shit has it been telling you huh?'' Caleb asked, his eyes narrowed onto Dean who took a step away. His heart was thundering in his chest, he was sure it was going to break free like some grotesque scene from the movie 'Alien'. Caleb was psychic after all, maybe he could see something in Dean, maybe he was evil, maybe a demon had got into him somehow, one that could pass all the tests he knew about. One like 'yellow eyes'. At the thought that he could be something as evil as the demon that had destroyed so many lives Dean felt his heart rate pick up even more, his breathing sped up to the point were he was hyperventilating. He knew he was panicking, but he couldn't help it.

Dean took another step back his eyes scanning for anyway to escape. He knew they'd come looking for him, he just didn't think it would all happen so quickly. He thought he may have a chance to get far enough away before they came, he had to laugh, since when had anything ever run to plan for a Winchester?

Calebs amber eyes once again zeroed in on the thing wearing Deans face, it had just given a near hysterical laugh and was searching around frantically, whether for a weapon or a means of escape Caleb didn't know, but he was going to stop it. Even if that meant putting a bullet into the stubborn priest protecting it.

" I'm telling you, you don't know what the hell he is, now step away'' he yelled, David glared, is this why Dean was so jumpy? Was he in serious trouble? Was he mixed up with the mob?

" This is still a place of worship, and still sanctuary to those who wish it. Now leave before I call the police'', the priest watched as the younger men of the two stepped forwards and placed a calming hand on the other, if David had believed it he could have sworn that the two had just communicated with each other without using words, but such things belonged in science fiction, and certainly not in a church. The younger man stepped forwards,

" We just want to talk father. Please hear us out'' the young mans eyes were sincere and pleading, David nodded,

" Very well, I'll listen'' he turned to Dean who was trying in vain to calm his breathing " Dean?'' , frightened green eyes turned to him, he reached forwards and kept his face impassive when Dean flinched, " It's alright Dean, no one is going to hurt you. Why don't you go and wait in my office while I speak to the gentlemen'',

" Okay'' Dean whispered, he gave one last look to his brother and best friend, a part of him wanted them to just 'know' that it was him, that he was back from hell, but he knew that if he was in their positions he'd be equally as suspicious. Taking a final calming breath and giving the two hunters a wide berth he made his way into the back.

" He's been with me a couple of weeks'' David said as he watched Dean leave "I think he has PTS, he's been very disorientated and suffering horrific nightmares, but that's only to be understood considering where he's been''

" What do you mean where he's been?'' Sam asked. The Father looked at the two men in front of him with exasperation, civilians they could never understand,

" Iraq, I think maybe he was in Iraq. He's showing all the symptoms of PTS, went through the same thing myself when I came back from Nam. He doesn't remember much, but it comes back to him at night, it always does'' for a moment the Fathers eyes looked haunted and lost in the past.

" Look Father..''

" David. My name's David, and you would be?''

" I'm Sam and this is Caleb. The man who you're protecting, he's….well'' Sam couldn't say anymore,

" Look padre, the thing is, that thing'' he said waving his hand towards the back were Dean had disappeared " He can't be Dean''

" And why not?'' David asked,

" Look just trust me, he can't be. There are a series of tests we can do to prove it to you, but you gotta let us through to him to perform them'' he sighed heavily " It's for your own safety''. David faltered some at the sincerity he saw in the eyes of both men,

" Okay. But'' he added when he saw the relieved look on both faces " I'm going to be with you all through this, I won't leave Dean alone'', a part of Sam was happy that someone was looking after his brother, he pushed the thought away just as quickly. This wasn't Dean. Dean was in hell burning for him, and it hadn't mattered what he'd done, what deal he'd tried to make, his brother remained in the pit.

" That's fine by us, but let us do our job'' Caleb growled " No matter what happens, don't get in the way''

" What are you going to do to him? It's not going to hurt him is it?'' David asked, he suddenly thought that maybe he had made the wrong decision, and that he had betrayed his young friend.

" If he's who he says he is, then it's not going to hurt him'', Caleb said emotionlessly " Lay on Macduff '' he said gesturing for the priest to lead the way.

Davis lead them into a back office, it had a slim cot in one corner, the walls were lined with books, Sam couldn't stop his eyes from bugging out at the literary delights before him,

" Down, Geeknstein. We got a job to do first'' Caleb quipped smirking, Sam glared at him but followed him further into the room. Dean, or rather the thing wearing Deans face was seated at the window watching the outside world.

" Dean'' David said tentatively, the young man jumped and turned around startled, his eyes widened when he saw Sam and Caleb stood with the priest, he backed further away his breath quickening once more,

" Stay…..stay away from me'' Dean said, David stepped forwards to placate his friend,

" Dean it's okay, I'm going to be here the whole time. I won't let them hurt you'', Dean raised tortured eyes to the priest,

" Will you keep them safe if I try to hurt them?'', David frowned

" Why would you even try and hurt them Dean?''

" I…..I don't know what I am'' David stepped forwards but Calebs hand on his shoulder halted any further movement. The priest glared at the hand, Caleb shook his head and jutted his chin forwards for Sam to move to Dean. The young hunter faltered for a moment, then stepped closer, dean pressed himself against the wall, terror filling his eyes,

" No Sammy. Stay back'' Sam stopped looking to Caleb for guidance before it hit him that this thing before him was posing as his brother. His brother that had cared for him his whole life, his brother that loved him, that he loved. His brother who had sacrificed himself countless times, it was an abomination that it had chosen someone so selfless. Anger bubbled up through him, he lunged forwards striking out with a silver knife at the thing resembling his brother.

Dean stumbled backwards at Sams attack, the silver knife sliced down his arm ripping through the material on his shirt but avoiding the skin. Dean wrestled the knife from Sams grip, David leapt forwards and gripped Sam tightly in his arms, Caleb drew his gun out in one fluid motion and held it on the priest.

" Let. Him. Go. Now'' he barked out, the startled priest released Sam who span around instantly facing Dean who was looking at the knife in wonder. He rolled up his sleeve and drew the blade across his skin leaving a thin cut on the golden skin. Blood blossomed to the surface, but apart from the sting of a new cut, Dean felt nothing, he looked up to have a flask of holy water thrown in his face. He spluttered and spat out the water that had landed in his mouth, frowning he glared at Caleb who was staring open mouthed now at the possibility that his best friend had in fact found some way to climb out of hell,

" What the fuck Damien? A little warning next time dude!'', David looked to Dean who sent his friend an apologetic look " Sorry David'' the priest nodded a slight smile on his face.

" Sam, the exorcism. Say it'' Sam began his recitation of the Latin verse to expel a demon, it was having no effect on the Dean double at all, apart from making him look more confused. David also looked confused,

" Just what do you think you're doing?'' he asked anger lacing his words " That's enough. Now leave us alone, I think you have your proof. I don't want to see you here again, if I do I WILL call the police'',

" It's okay David. Let them finish, I want to be sure''

" Sure of what Dean?'' David asked quietly, Dean looked to the man who had sheltered him for the last two weeks

" Sure that I'm not evil. I have to be sure'',

" Dean, how can you even think that? Son you're no more evil than I'' Deans eyes filled with tears, he still had hold of the knife in his hand, memories assaulted him of when he'd previously held one. Then he'd been ripping, tearing, he dropped the knife and looked at his hands in disbelief,

" I wouldn't be so sure of that, you don't know what I've done'' the priest moved forwards,

" You did what you had to do to survive'', Deans haunted eyes landed on the priest

" Is that any excuse?'' David sighed, his own eyes filled with old ghosts from the past,

" No it isn't. War has many casualties Dean, most of them are innocents, but you have to learn one important thing from all this''

" What's that?''

" Forgiveness'' the priest answered " You have to learn to forgive yourself''. Sam stepped forwards, his eyes filled with tears,

" Dean? Is it really you?'' he asked his voice trembling with emotion,

" I think so, I mean I feel like me, and I look like me'', Caleb snorted, three sets of eyes turned towards him,

" Yeah Deuce who'd want to copy your ugly ass'', Dean scowled

" Says you Damien. I'm still hotter than you and I've been dead for four months. Well you know not literally dead'' he said panicked to David " Just…….just feeling dead'' he winced at his poor explanation, but the priest merely smiled and gestured to Deans arm,

" Lets clean that up shall we before you get an infection, and you two, I think you should come back tomorrow''

" No'' Caleb said stubbornly, he moved forwards and pulled Dean into him, embracing the younger man tightly, Dean returned the embrace with as much force, he felt himself span around and was face to face with his brother, he went to take a step back but was pulled into another fierce hug. He held on tight, and for the first time in two weeks Dean Winchester felt truly alive.

A/N; So what ya think? Enough angst? Or not enough? Got another 3 chapters to go yet, but let me know what you think so far. Criticism is welcome but please make it constructive. Cheers guys xxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

A/N; I'm sorry about the delay But my aunty died and my muse just flew out of the window, I'll try and update sooner rather than later, but can't make any promises. Thanks guys xx

Dean was at on his cot bed, his mind swirling with the events of the last 24 hours. Yesterday he had felt alone and desperate, today he had his brother and best friend back in his life and now he was just confused. He couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that somehow he'd managed to escape hell. He still had no clue as to how he'd got back, was still living in fear that he wasn't quite right. The longer he'd been back the more memories of hell had assaulted him, and at times he felt like he was still there, still being ripped and torn. Still screaming, hearing screams from the other that had shared his hellish prison, they seemed to rip into his sanity. He shook the thoughts dark thoughts from his mind and looked at his hands, he blinked hard thinking he could still see the blood on them, it would in Deans eyes forever stain them. He took a deep calming breath, he didn't want to remember that time, for him that would be the worst of his time in hell, and no matter what he did now, he didn't think he could ever atone for what he'd done whilst there.

Sam had asked him what it was like, in hell. Dean had lied saying he couldn't remember it, he didn't want to have to tell his brother what had been done to him, what he'd done. When he'd met Calebs eyes though the older hunter had had sympathy in the amber pools, sympathy and a deep sadness, as if he'd already searched Deans mind and seen what Dean was trying to hide. He was feeling stripped bare in front of the psychic and was now trying his hardest to avoid being alone with him, in case Caleb tried to talk to him about it. Dean didn't want to talk about it. Ever.

The strange buzzing that he had heard on first leaving his grave and on his trip into town hadn't resurfaced. Dean thought it may have had something to do with his hearing re-adjusting to being back, although he couldn't explain to himself why the windows in the garage had exploded like they had. He in all his stubborn Winchester glory was ignoring that fact.

He was alone in the church for the time being, David was visiting the sick and the elderly and Caleb and Sam were giving him some much needed space. He wanted to be near his brother and friend but when they were close to him , he just wanted to be alone. Caleb had said they could take the opportunity to call people and let them know of Deans miraculous return, Dean was just glad he didn't have to do the calls himself, he didn't think he was ready for that yet, didn't think he'd be ready for when he had to meet up with the people who over the years had become his family. He was terrified that Mac and Missouri would see right through him, see how corrupt he was now, see what he'd done. Panicking wasn't going to solve anything, he took another calming breath and moved towards the church. Since he'd been back he found the church calming and peaceful. He'd never been a believer and he still wasn't. Nothing that had happened in his life let him believe in a higher power, and if there was one Dean didn't think it would be interested in him.

As he walked into the church area a man was sitting in one of the pews. He was wearing a crumpled mac and an even more crumpled looking blue suit, he turned his blue eyes to Dean,

" Dean Winchester?'' the man asked, Dean went instantly on the defensive, he knew that even the most innocent looking of humans could be demons, Lilith had inhabited children, and who would have ever suspected a child?

" Who wants to know?'' Dean asked, suspicion lacing his words. The man stood slowly, still watching Dean, although to Dean it felt like more of an inspection. Like his very soul was laid out before the mans piercing gaze. He regarded the man steadily, he had Ruby's knife in the back of his trousers and gripped the hilt tightly, when the stranger moved forwards again Dean brought the knife out swiftly,

" That will not harm me Dean'', Dean smirked and drove forward thrusting the knife into the strangers shoulder. The man didn't even flinch, he pulled the knife from his shoulder and sent Dean an annoyed glare. Dean stumbled backwards, his feet catching the small step that led up to the alter making him fall backwards. He scrambled back on his hands looking up at the advancing man, fear was pulsing through him,

" Who are you?'' he bit out, the man stopped and quirked his head to the side,

" I am the one who raised you from perdition'', Dean tried to calm his breathing,

" Okay, then what the hell are you?''

" I am an angel of the lord''

" Yeah right, sure you are'' Dean bit out sarcastically, the room seemed to grow dark, lights flashed like lightening, two great shadowed wings appeared at the mans back spreading as if he were about to take flight. Dean couldn't keep the look of amazement off his face, he got to his feet slowly,

" Why….why would an angel save me from the pit?'' he asked,

" Because God commanded it'' the angel answered,

" You….you got a name?''

" I am Castiel. I have tried to speak with you before but was unsuccessful. I thought you may have been one of the special ones who I could appear to in my natural form, but it was not meant to be, it did not go as I had planned'',

" You mean all that buzzing and shit'' Dean said waving his hand around, Castiel nodded " Dude, you need to use your inside voice'' he grinned when the angel looked confused, but his grin faded,

" I don't get it. Why the hell would God chose me? I mean what did I do to get such a break?''

" It is Gods will. I was merely his hand in the act'' Castiel regarded the human shifting nervously before him, " You don't think you deserved to be saved?'' he asked in awed confusion, Dean shifted under the gaze, feeling the eyes again searching through him to his soul,

" Okay then, why the hell would God command you to save my ass? He's never done anything for me before, so why now?''

" We have work for you to do'' the angel answered.

Dean was still sitting in the position he had been when the angel had disappeared when David, Sam, and Caleb came into the church. He was pale, his eyes wide in fear and a small hint of wonder, he still couldn't believe that he had been be saved by an angel. After all he'd done, after what he'd done in hell, it just didn't make sense to him. Why him? Why not someone else? What could he do that someone else couldn't? What made Dean worthy? Or was it just that they saw an obedient soldier, who would follow orders without question. He looked up in confusion, someone was talking to him, shaking him gently, trying to get his attention,

" I……I'm okay'',

" You don't look okay Deuce, you look like you just saw a ghost'', Sam shot him a side ways glance, Caleb shrugged at the irony of his comment,

" He's right Dean. You look pale, are you okay? What happened?'', Dean opened his mouth to answer, but he wasn't even sure that Sam and Caleb would believe him, he didn't truly believe it himself. The angel had told him that was his problem, his lack of faith. But how was he supposed to believe when all he'd seen, all he'd experienced told him there was nothing but darkness. Dean realised that he had been asked a question when he looked into the three expectant faces before him,

" Huh? Can you repeat that?'' he asked confused, Caleb pulled him to his feet,

" Okay that's it, I'm taking you to the hospital. Have you seen a doctor since…well you know, since you've been back?''

" I don't need to see a doctor Damien, I'm fine'', Caleb gave the younger man a glare but released him when Dean shook off his hands,

" Yeah, well, you don't look fine'' he huffed.

" I think, that we should retire to the back room, my office maybe?'' the last was a question directed to the two men at his side, Dean couldn't help the annoyed frown that crept onto his face,

" Hey, I'm right here and I'm not fragile'',

" Dean you look like you're about to collapse or something, just, please just come sit down'', there it was, that look, the puppy dog eyes pleading with him. Dean sighed and ran a tired hand through his hair, he didn't answer, just nodded and made his way into Davids office.

" So, you going to tell us what the hell happened?'' Caleb asked, he crossed his arms over his strong chest in a classic John Winchester pose, Dean sat on his cot and rolled his eyes,

" Nothings going on , dad'' he said with sarcasm " I….I was just chilling out, till you three interrupted my meditation'', Sam snorted,

" Dean? Really? Meditation? Can you even spell that word?'', Dean glared at Sams amused face, but David didn't miss the flash of hurt in his eyes, neither did Sam so it would seem as he moved towards his brother,

" Dean?'', the hunter stood quickly from his bed and held his hand out in front of him to halt Sam from moving closer to him,

" Don't Sam. I may not have gone to Stanford, or any college for that matter, but I'm not stupid. I'll be outside, those leaves won't clear themselves up'',

" Dean'' Sam shouted and went to follow his brother, he hadn't meant to hurt him, he had to make it right, he'd only just found Dean he couldn't lose him again, just because his mouth had decided it was the runaway train. David placed a hand on his chest,

" Leave him son, he needs to calm down. He's very vulnerable at the moment, his emotions are ruling him, it's a side effect of his P.T.S'',

" I should at least talk to him'' Sam said trying once again to move towards the door Dean had gone through, but David halted him once more " Just give him some space Sam, he'll be okay'', Sam nodded and went to sit on the cot that Dean had vacated.

Deans shirt was lying in a crumpled heap on the pillow, Sam brought into his hands and ran his fingers over the soft material, he felt the tears sting his eyes. Dean had only just come back and he was already hurting him, after he'd endured untold hurt from his time in hell, all so that he could live.

" It's okay runt, we'll get him better'', Sam looked up and met Calebs eyes, he nodded and wiped the tears away,

" I know, I….I just wish he'd talk to me''

" You know you're brother Sammy, he won't talk to anyone'' Sam looked at him and Caleb saw that five year old sat there, not the twenty five year old that he was now. He looked so young, and vulnerable, so lost,

" Make him then'' Sam said in a child like way, Caleb laughed softy,

" This is Dean Winchester we're talking about runt, you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do'',

" He may never talk about his time away from you both, and you shouldn't push'' David said interrupting the pair, " Dean needs time to work through all his experiences, and if you push him, you'll only end up pushing him away, and I have a feeling that if you do that you won't ever find him'', Sam and Caleb looked to the priest,

" Has he spoken to you?'' Caleb asked,

" No, but I've heard his nightmares. I don't know what he went through, but I'm certain it was far worse than we could begin to imagine. If you'll excuse me I need to say my prayers'', David left the two hunters behind. He only hoped that they would listen to him, and let Dean speak to them in his own time, or he was sure that the young broken man would disappear forever.

Dean found David reading from his bible, the priest was sat with the holy book placed gently in his lap, his fingers touching the pages as if he was reading braille. Dean needed some answers and the only person he could think of at the moment was the priest who had fast become a friend, David turned and gave Dean a gentle smile,

" How are you feeling Dean?'',

" Okay, err….''

" Yes?'', Dean came and sat next to his friend,

" Do you believe in angels?'' he asked, David smiled

" Of course, I think I would be in the wrong job if I didn't. Do you?'', Dean hesitated before he answered,

" I didn't used to. My mom….'' he cleared his throat " My mom did, she used to say that angels were watching over me while I slept'' David nodded his head,

" Many people believe in guardian angels'', Dean looked at him, his eyes unreadable, David thought he saw pain there, but it was gone before he had the chance to ask if Dean was alright,

" They didn't help her, she was murdered. And they haven't helped me or my brother out either'',

" All things that happen are part of Gods plan, even those that seem unjustifiable. We as mortals are too weak to understand, but we will once the time is right. When we are ready all will be revealed to us''

" You really believe that?'' Dean asked eyebrows raised in surprise. David nodded and lay his hand on his bible,

" My faith gives me the strength to, even when times are at there darkest, my faith guides me to the light'',

" Do….do you think an angel would save a soul from hell?'', Dean asked, he swallowed hard almost afraid of the answer, David regarded him and knew that his answer was very important to his young friend,

" If it was Gods command, then yes, I believe it could. As to why it would save one of the damned I have no answer, but God works in mysterious ways'', Dean looked to the book in the priests hands, he ran his fingers over the pages almost reverently,

" What if He had work for them to do?''

" Then yes, I believe it possible'', Dean frowned, his mind rolling around all the information he had received, it still didn't make much sense to him at all,

" But why? Why someone who was in the pit? Why not someone more…….more, well worthy I guess''

David looked to him,

" Who are you to say who's worthy of who God chooses? Man tells God his plans, and God laughs, then God tells man the true plan. Does that answer your question?'', Dean sat back in his seat, it had actually cleared up some of his confusion. He was starting to believe that maybe he had been saved after all, he smiled and nodded,

" Yeah actually it does, thanks'' David smiled and patted Dean on the leg, " Look David'', the priest held up his hand,

" You're leaving? Aren't you?'' Dean nodded

" Yeah I am. I have important work to do, with my family, they need me. I…….I just wanted to say thanks, for everything, for putting up with my psychotic ass these last two weeks'',

" It's been no trouble, I've enjoyed the company, I must admit I am going to miss having you around the place, and I have a feeling the ladies in my congregation will be disappointed. You made quite an impact with them'', Dean smirked

" With a face like mine, who wouldn't miss me? I'll come back though and visit. You have my word on that'', he offered his hand to the priest, David looked at the hand and pulled Dean into a warm embrace,

" I'll hold you to that, and you best make sure you keep it young man''

" I will'', David released his hold on Dean and closed the bible he had in his hand and gave it to the young hunter " I can't take that, it looks really old'',

" You can, and you will. I want you to have it. It's been my anchor for many years, and when I've needed answers it's provided them, it's time to pass it on'', Dean took the book and held it tightly in his hands,

" Thanks'', there wasn't much else he could say, he gave David a curt nod and left the man to his prayers. It was time to go home, time to meet up once again with those he had had to leave behind. He was a part of Gods plan now, and Dean was going to face it like any Winchester would, with his head held high and fists flying.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N; Thanks for bearing with me on this one guys. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but real life kinda made itself known for a while, and I've had to get myself back into the writing chair if you know what I mean. Hopefully updates will be coming more often now xx Thanks again xx

Since leaving the sanctuary of the small church, Deans nightmares had increased ten fold. He didn't know whether it was because he was now exposed to the world, but he'd felt somewhat sheltered in the church. Safe. His nightmares had been horrific whilst he'd stayed at the church, but now they were mind cripplingly more so, to the point were Dean just didn't want to shut his eyes. If he did he was assaulted with images that branded themselves into him, he thought he was back there, back in hell, back on the rack. The only thing that seemed to be keeping the dreams away was if he fell into a drunken stupor from drinking copious amounts of whiskey, he'd seen Caleb and his brother shoot him concerned looks as he made his way through his third bottle of the amber liquid, but shrugged it off, ignoring the tight ball of guilt that had settled in the pit of his stomach, and finished the drink before settling down in the back seat of the impala.

" Do you think he's going to be okay?'' Sam asked worriedly looking into the rear view mirror at his sleeping brother, he was pale and had dark shadows under his eyes, Caleb looked over at his sleeping friend,

" I hope so runt''

" He's been drinking more, it seems to be the only time he'll sleep'', Caleb sighed heavily and ran a tired hand over his face,

" I know. He talked to you?''

" No, he says he doesn't remember anything, but when he wakes up, he's sweating and terrified. I thought he'd be happy to go back to the farm, to meet up with Mac and Bobby. I know he's never really got on with Missouri but its like he's terrified of going back there, of what she'll see'', Caleb nodded, he'd thought the same thing, when he'd tried to talk to Dean the hunter had closed himself down and refused. It worried Caleb, he couldn't get a read on what Dean was thinking anymore, all he seemed to get was water, it had been that way before Dean had died. They assumed it had something to do with Dean being the next guardian, Jim had been the same. He watched the sleeping figure, taking in the pale skin, the freckles standing out starkly, the shadows under his eyes were so dark it looked like he had two black eyes. He was determined to get Dean to talk to someone, he needed to, or they'd lose him again, and neither he or Sam could live through that again. It had been impossible the first time, to do it so soon after getting Dean back would be cruel.

The heat was indescribable, it scorched his skin, peeling it layer by layer from the muscle underneath. He wanted to scream, to cry out, but when he opened his mouth to, the heat burnt a path straight down to his lungs making him feel as if he'd swallowed liquid fire. He raised his weary head as a figure approached. He was so tired, he just wanted to sleep, to rest, but there was no relief. He couldn't even fall into blissful unconscious blackness. He didn't have a body, not really, it was his soul that was being tortured, being ripped and torn, but it didn't make the sensation of his heart trying to break free from his chest any less real. Or his lungs expanding to painful levels as he tried to breathe through the pain. The figure grabbed his chin and met his green eyes with eyes of ebony black,

" I'll give you the choice again Dean, help me torture souls and I'll let you off this rack, I'll set you free''

" No'' Dean whispered " I'll never help you'', for some strange reason Dean was hit with a realisation of how his situation was like star wars, like he was Luke and it was Vader who was trying to persuade him to 'turn to the dark side', he couldn't help it, he laughed, the strange noise bubbled up within him and pushed itself through his chapped lips. The demon was momentarily stunned by the strange reaction, no human had laughed before, not at the thought that it was going to be tortured. But then this human was special. That's why he'd been sent. He dealt with all the special cases, the ones that they wanted to break that much quicker, the ones that had a destiny, and this human?, well he was worth his weight in gold. The demon glared, his ebony eyes becoming mere slits, a twisted smile on its face,

" It would seem that maybe we need to double our efforts with you'', Dean swallowed, his laughter coming to an abrupt end, his eyes wide with fear,

" No….no…please no more''

" You only have to say the word Dean, just one little word, and you can be off this rack and free''

" I….I can't. I can't do that'', his eyes filled with tears and spilled onto his cheeks,

" Then I'll ask again tomorrow'', he nodded to a waiting demon and the torture began again.

Dean woke from his slumber a scream dying in his throat. He was in the back of the impala, the car was slowing down, but his heart was racing, as the car stopped he fell from the back seat onto the cold ground and he emptied his stomach. His body was shaking, he could still feel the demon tearing into his flesh, could feel the heat from hell as it burned into him,

" Deuce? Deuce you okay?'' Caleb asked as he rubbed Deans back, he frowned when Dean shrank back from the touch, his green eyes filled with panic and fear, he scuttled back on his butt,

" No….no more, please no more'' he raised his hands in front of himself, trying to protect himself from whatever fresh assault was about to happen, Sam moved in front of his brother and reached his trembling hand out,

" Dean it's okay, you're safe, you're not there anymore Dean. You're back remember? You're back'', Dean flinched from the hand as if it had burned him,

" No'' he whispered brokenly " Please, not that. Be anyone, but not him, don't be my brother'' his voice broke and a lone tear spilled down his cheek. Sams eyes filled with tears,

" Oh Dean'' Sam pulled his trembling brother towards him, at first Dean struggled, trying to buck out from the touch , from the arms that were holding him. It took a few minutes for his terrified mind to register that there was no pain, nothing was trying to hurt him, rip into him. In fact if anything soft words were being whispered into his ear, and someone was stroking their fingers through his hair tenderly. He slumped into the touch, his body shaking,

" Sa……..Sammy?'' he whispered " Is that? Is that you?'', Sam held Dean to him tighter, he nodded then realised his brother couldn't see him,

" Yeah Dean, its me, you're safe. I'm not….we're not going to let anything get to you again okay? You're safe''

" We?'' Deans trembling voice asked

" Yeah, we. Me and Caleb''

" Calebs here?'' Dean asked confused " Where….where am I Sammy? I……..I don't know where I am'',

" It's okay Deuce, we're on the way to the farm, we're going back home. It's going to be okay'', Dean startled and pulled himself from Sams protective hold,

" I can't go there….they'll see, they'll see. No don't make me go there, please Sammy, don't make me go there''

" See what?'' Sam asked shocked, but Dean was unable to answer properly, he kept repeating himself, his babbling making no sense. Caleb came to a decision and moved to the back of the car, he pulled out his first aid kit and took out the sedative that he had there.

" Hold him Sammy'' he ordered, Sam seemed reluctant to but moved when the amber gaze levelled on him. He held his brother in a vice like grip,

" No!!! No stop, please stop'' Dean pleaded,

" It's for your own good Deuce, you need to relax and you're not doing''

" Please don't, I'll be good, I'll be good'', Caleb bit back on the sob that wanted to break free of him at his friends words. Dean never pleaded, Dean snarked, Dean yelled, Dean fought with everything he had. But this Dean, this Dean was now cowering away from him and begging, it was breaking Calebs heart,

" Sorry Deuce'' he whispered as he inserted the syringe and depressed the plunger, Deans struggles lessened, and his eyes finally fluttered closed, his breathing evening out. He looked up to Sam to see the younger Winchesters face filled with tears, he gave his shoulder an encouraging grip,

" We'll get him back Sam, I swear to you we'll get him back'', Sam nodded, they both placed Dean in the back of the car gently, covering his now peacefully sleeping form. Caleb climbed behind the wheel, his face now set into a look of determination. They would get Dean back, he'd see to it, or die trying.

Dean felt as if he was floating on gentle waves, it was comforting and he didn't want it to end. He opened his eyes, his mouth feeling like the desert,

" Here, small sips, take your time'', he recognised the voice, but this eyes were still a little unfocused, and he couldn't bring the person into proper view,

" Where am I?'' he asked instead, his voice hoarse,

" You're at Jims farm honey, you're safe''

" Jim?'' Dean asked confused " Where's Sammy?'', the person gave a small chuckle and ran fingers through his hair gently. Dean leant into to the soothing touch,

" He's safe baby, don't you worry none'', Dean struggled to sit up and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision, when he looked again he recognised the softly smiling face of Missouri Moseley. He frowned slightly,

" Missouri? What are you doing here?''

" Mackland asked me to come honey. Those boys have been awful worried about you''

" I'm fine'' Dean replied automatically, Missouri scowled at him, Dean shrank back from the reprimanding look and cursed his shaking hands. Missouri's look softened some,

" Come on now, we need to get some decent food into you. You're way too skinny. I made some cherry pie for desert,

" Okay'' Dean said quietly not meeting the psychics eyes, Missouri frowned, she reached her hand over and tilted Deans chin until he was looking at her, she searched his eyes and gasped at what she saw there,

"Please don't'' he said quietly " Just……please don't''

" Okay. For now I'll hold my tongue, but we are going to talk young man, even if I have to get my spoon for you to do it'', she waited for the snaky remark, for some of the old fire to come into those green eyes, but Dean just nodded in a resigned way,

" Yes ma'am''.

When Dean entered the kitchen he was startled as two arms brought him into a bone crushing embrace, Mackland then held him at arms length and studied him intently, Dean squirmed under the scrutinizing look,

" It's good to see you Dean, good to have you back'',

" Yeah, it's good to be back'' he said smiling slightly, he avoided looking at his brother and best friend, mortified that he'd had such an obvious breakdown in front of them.

He just didn't know who he was anymore. Sure he was Dean Winchester, that much he knew, but it was just a name. A name that to him held no meaning anymore. The man who he had been, who'd fought against the darkness, had won on more than one occasion, well…he was lost. Maybe he was still in hell somewhere trying to get out. Trying to find his way back into to the light. This Dean, the man he was now, this man was consumed by darkness, he had no fight left in him. He was scared, and so tired. He sighed and made his way to the kitchen table and sat down heavily in one of the chairs, a slice of pie pushed under his nose.

He stabbed his fork into it, the juice from the cherries bleeding to the surface, it looked like blood, Dean pushed it away and stood abruptly,

" I need some air'' he voiced as he made his way outside, aware of the eyes watching him leave.

He breathed in the clean air, watched the trees dance and sway in the distance. This had felt like home to him as a child and again as a young man, now he felt like he didn't belong anywhere near it. Didn't deserve it,

" Dean?'' Missouri's voice floated over to him on the gentle breeze, he closed his eyes and sighed,

" Yeah?''

" You okay honey? You need to talk?'', although the latter was posed as a question Dean knew it was meant as an order, he shook his head,

" I can't. I can't talk about that'', he felt the tears prick his eyes, and again cursed his weakness. A warm hand was placed on his shoulder,

" It's okay Dean'', the hunter shook his head

" No its not. It's never going to be okay. Wh….what I did, what I did to those souls'' his breath hitched, a painful bauble making its way up and out of his chest " Nothing can make that okay. Just, please don't tell the others. Please?'', Missouri's own eyes filled with tears,

" I won't honey. I promise. But you should tell them yourself someday, they'll understand, and they won't judge you for it'',

" Maybe. But not today'', if ever was what he was thinking, how could they understand it when he himself didn't. He felt the wetness on his cheeks, felt the tears flowing and couldn't seem to stop them.

He wanted to be strong, wanted to be the brother and friend he had been before, but he didn't know if he could be that man anymore. He didn't know how long he'd stood there, or even when Missouri had left him, but when he felt Mack's arms go around him he didn't have the strength to push the Scholar away, he folded himself into the warm embrace and let all the pain he was feeling bleed out of him and float away on the wind. All he could hear were the words of comfort being whispered into his ear,

" It's okay son, I got you, and I'm not going to let you go again.''

A/N; Sorry I know it's a small chapter, but I will work on another one asap. Hope this one was okay. As always reviews are welcomed xxx


	5. Chapter 5

A/N; Hey all, thanks for the reviews :0) jdsreignsupreme, sorry I made you cry xxx but I'm really glad you liked it xx

So originally I'd planned this to only be 6 chapters but it maybe more than that now, also I should point out that this is straying far and wide from Ridley and Tidia's story line of the 'brotherhood' verse, just so y'all don't get confused :0)

Sam watched through the window as his brother crumpled into Macks arms and held on for dear life. He could see the sobs being shaken from his body, it brought tears to his own eyes,

" He'll be okay Sam'' Missouri spoke from behind him gently " Your brothers been through so much, and at the minute the poor boy is broken, but we can fix him together''

" How do we even start?'' Sam asked as a tear made its way down his cheek " I don't know how to help him. I don't know what he went through. He said he didn't remember hell, I knew he was lying but he wouldn't talk to me, I just feel like I've failed him again. I couldn't stop Lilith and he went to hell because of me. This, that he's going through now is because of me'', he looked morosely through the window, wanting desperately to go outside and hold his brother, to offer the comfort that he so desperately needed, but fear held him back. Fear that his brother would push him away, like he had so many times before, Missouri huffed behind him,

" Now you stop that Sam Winchester. This is not the time to be wallowing in self pity, your brother needs you, not get out there and go to him. He's different at the minute Sam, he needs contact, love, he needs to know he's safe'', Sam made to argue, but the psychic glared at him and pointed her finger.

" Yes ma'am'' he said sullenly as he made his way outside.

Mack was still cradling Dean in his arms whispering into his ear, he raised his grey eyes to Sam and whispered something in Deans ear, the hunter stiffened and raised tortured bloodshot eyes to his brother,

" Oh Dean'' he made his way over, Dean moved from Mack to his brother and allowed the young Winchester to hold him. Sam held him tightly to his chest, cradling his older brother, grateful of the chance to offer some sort of comfort, and amazed that he was being allowed to,

" It'll be okay Dean, I promise. Things will be okay''.

Mack wanted to stay to offer some support for the two young men who he regarded as sons, but he knew they needed some privacy, so he left them alone and went in search of his own son. Caleb was sat at the table stabbing at his pie,

"We can't lose him again dad. It'll end us. I can't go through that again. Ever'',

" He needs time Caleb, he's been through something that none of us can even begin to imagine''

" He said he didn't remember'',

" Maybe he didn't at first, but as he assimilates himself back into life here, the memories maybe bleeding through. You know Dean, he won't talk about it, but he needs to. Just don't think he'll discuss this with you or any of us for that matter'',

" Then who? Who will he discuss it with then? It's not as though we have a shrink on hand for him'',

" Elizabeth maybe, she knew he was going to hell, and she knows about our lives and how important it is that it stay secret'', Caleb leant back in his chair and studied his father,

" You really think Deuce is gonna talk to her when he won't even talk to any of us? You don't know him as well as you thought you did dad if you think that'll ever happen'',

" The Dean we knew wouldn't have been crying so openly either, but at the minute he's lost and afraid. Besides we need to know what brought him back and why''

" Don't really care why'' Caleb said standing and going to the window to check on his best friend " I want to shake the hand of whoever it was. They did what we couldn't, so I don't give a rats ass who it was'', Mack stood behind his son, Deans death had hit them all hard, but it had very nearly killed Caleb, it was only the fact that Caleb had promised to look after Sam that had stopped the hunter from killing himself by hunting down every demon he could find,

" I know that Caleb'' Mack said sighing heavily " But we need to know who it was because they may want something from Dean in return, and I for one am not putting him at risk. Is that what you want?''

Caleb turned a deadly glare on his father,

" No that's not what I want. And if those fuckers think they can mess with Deuce again they got another thing coming, because I'll go into hell myself and kill every damn demon there is!!'',

" It wasn't a demon'' Deans shaky voice spoke from the doorway " It was an angel. At least that's what he said he was'', Mack raised an eyebrow

" An angel?'' Dean nodded

" He said he had work for me to do, said God had commanded it. Why would he do that?''

" Because you're a good man Dean, because you didn't deserve hell'' Sam said vehemently

" No I'm not'' Dean whispered" I'm not a good man, not at all''

" Now Dean Winchester you stop that. You are a good man, and there aint nothing you can say or do that'll change that'' Missouri stood in the kitchen doorway, her hands on her rounded hips and an impatient scowl on her face, Dean shot her an irritated glare and scowled,

" What the hell do you know? You think I'm a good man? Then you're an idiot!''

" Dean!'' Sam admonished, " Don't be like that, she's only trying to help''

" Yeah, well, maybe I don't want her help, or anyone's help for that matter. Maybe I want to be left alone!!'', he span round and left the house, the screen door slamming behind him. Sam turned to the psychic to apologise when the rumble of the impala departing. He ran from the house to try and chase his wayward brother down, but he was too late and was in time to see the tail lights disappearing down the lane.

" Damn it!! CALEB!!'' he yelled, the older hunter ran outside his car keys in hand,

" Already on it runt, lets go. Any idea where he's headed?'' Sam shook his head,

" Not a clue. You think you can catch him up?''

" Dude! Are you serious? You forget I learnt my Starsky an Hutch skills from your old man, of course I can catch up''.

Dean didn't know exactly where he was driving to only that he had to get away from the psychic who was wheedling her way into his mind and trying to see his thoughts. He wasn't ready for that yet. She may have seen some of his experiences from hell, but she didn't know it all, and as far as Dean was concerned that was how it was going to stay. He was already embarrassed by his emotional outburst in Mack and his brothers arms.

Dean Winchester did _not_ cry, and he certainly didn't cling onto people while he cried, he wasn't some chick, and he'd just clung to two of the most important people in life doing just that. Of course at the time he felt as if he was descending back into hell, could feel the demons ripping and tearing into him, feel the heat from the lakes of fire, could even smell brimstone permeating the air, clinging to his skin like some new aftershave. He could still smell it, the bile rose in his throat and he pulled over just in time to empty his stomach onto the muddy ground at the side of the dirt road. He ran a tired and shaky hand over his face and closed his eyes, but that only seemed to make the images more vivid,

" Oh God, please make it stop'' he choked out brokenly, a warm hand in his hair brought him from the nightmare his mind just wouldn't let go of,

" All you had to do was ask Dean, God always listens'' Castiel said quietly, Dean turned his face up to the angel, tears tracking down his cheeks,

" Even to those who don't deserve it?'' Dean asked.

The angel crouched down so he was looking into the hunters eyes, they were filled with such pain, such horrors of what he had seen and done,

" All Gods children deserve his love Dean, ask and you shall receive it'' Dean stared into the angels eyes looking for a lie but could find nothing but truth there,

" He really saved me?'' a small amount of awe crept into his voice, the angel smiled and nodded his head " Because He has work for me?'' a frown came to Deans face " What work? I mean what can I do that someone else can't?'',

" We should sit where you will be more comfortable'', Dean nodded and climbed back into the impala, the angel sitting next to him,

" We need your help Dean, and you are the only one strong enough to aid us in this work''

" What work? What do you want from me? I mean I'm grateful that I'm not doing the hellfire mambo anymore but I jut don't get it'', the angel looked out of the windshield as if contemplating something, he turned to face the hunter,

" You need to understand Dean, and for that you need to go back to the beginning'', he raised two fingers and touched them to Deans head gently.

Caleb raced down the road, Sam scanning the area looking for signs of his brother and the impala,

" There!!'' he shouted pointing his finger to the black car parked at the side of the road, Caleb pulled up behind it and placed the truck in park, Sam was already out and running to the vehicle, he slid to a stop,

" DEAN!?'' he yelled, " Caleb! He's not there, here, he's not here! DEAN?'' he was racing to the edge of the trees that stood at the side of the road,

" DEAN, where are you? Answer me man, please'' he begged brokenly,

" He can't have gone far runt, we'll find him'' a warm hand was placed on his shoulder, the older man giving it a slight comforting squeeze even though his own heart was hammering in his chest,

" What if they've taken him back, what if a demon has him?'' Sam was panicking, his fear smothering Caleb, he had to calm the younger man down,

" Sam calm down, we gotta treat this like a case. We need to check out the area, but you gotta remain calm or we could miss something vital'', he kept his hand on the young hunter willing him to calm some, so he could calm his own racing heart. Sam breathed deeply, taking a few calming breaths,

" You're right, I'm sorry''

" No need to be Sammy, and when are you and your dumb brother gonna learn I'm always right!!'', Sam rolled his eyes and managed a slight smile,

" Yeah whatever man, lets just find my dumb ass brother so I can kick his ass for scaring me'', Reaves grinned,

" You betcha, lets start at the car''.

The first thing that the two men noticed was the small pile of vomit by the drivers side door, Caleb leant down and wrinkled his nose in disgust,

" Not to sound disgusting here or nothing, but it's still kinda warm, so he definitely can't of gone far'',

" That is gross dude, but where the hell is he?''

" We'll try the woods first, maybe he just wanted some peace, he was kinda freaked!'', Calebs amber eyes levelled on the trees,

" Can you sense him?'' Sam asked staring in the same direction. Caleb blinked, why hadn't he thought of doing that? He closed his eyes then frowned in concentration,

" What? What is it?'' Sam asked concerned,

" I don't know. He's here…but he's not here''

" What the hell does that mean?'' Sam asked frowning at the older man, Caleb shrugged and flipped his phone open,

" I'm gonna call Mack, see what he thinks. I can sense him, but its as if he's far away'',

" But how can he be if that'' Sam said pointing to the pile of puke " Is still warm?'' Caleb sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose,

" I don't know runt. But he's okay if that helps any. I mean no death visions so that's gotta count for something right?'', Caleb hoped he sounded more positive than he felt and just hoped his father had some kind of explanation. Dean wasn't in trouble right now, but then again when had anything _ever been that simple for anyone with the last name of Winchester?. _The succient answer was of course 'never'.

_A/N; So okay yeah I know timeline and everything is weird but trust me with what I'm doing. As always reviews are welcomed like a giant tub of 'tangtastics'. Err that's candy to those of ya who don't know :0)_


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to update this story. I have excuses, and they are good one's but I'm not going to bore you with them, all I can say is that chapters will hopefully be more frequent now. My lap top is going in the shop monday as the disc drive has broken so it maybe a couple of weeks before I can upload anything, but I will be uploading. Anywho, hope you enjoy the next chapter, let me know what ya think xxx

When Dean awoke he found himself in a clearing in the woods. The quiet around him was welcoming rather than unsettling, after what he'd witnessed he welcomed it, his head was spinning from all the revelations that he'd just seen. His mom, his wonderful, beautiful mom had been a hunter, was raised as one. It wasn't the life she'd wanted, she wanted to get away from it, 'just like Sammy' Dean thought, and was that really so bad, that they'd wanted to be safe? Dean didn't think so, and he knew that asking her to stay in bed on the night of the 2nd November 10 years from then was pointless, knew the moment he woke that things were the same, that nothing had changed. But what had really put the knife into his heart, what was killing him now, making his insides twist and churn was the fact that all that had happened to their family, all the terrifying things that had been in both of the brothers lives had all begun with his mother making a deal with the yellow eyed demon in the first place to save his fathers life. Dean felt like he'd failed again, if only he'd been able to put a bullet in its skull even if it had been wearing the face of his grandfather. From what the angel had said this mission was doomed to fail, it was a lesson, and it had been a hard one.

He breathed deeply through his nose, trying to calm the racing thoughts, punishing himself over what had happened so long ago wasn't productive, maybe that was another lesson he'd learned from his quantum leaping in time, that he couldn't change what had already passed, even if Sam Beckett and Al the hologram could. He was just Dean Winchester after all, a mere mortal. A shadow fell across him and he looked up into the blue eyes of the angel,

" So what the hell was that for?'' Dean asked angrily, " What to show me that my life was fucked up before I was even an itch in my daddies pants?'' the angel gave him an impassive look, cocking its head to the side,

" It was to merely show you that whilst we were aware of what Azazel was doing…..''

" Azazel?'' Dean interrupted

" I believe you called him the yellow eyed demon'', Dean made an 'o' of understanding and nodded his head for Castiel to continue,

" Whilst we were aware of what the demon was doing, we are not aware of what his whole plan was''

" And you want me to what? To find out? How the hell am I supposed to do that hold a séance?'' Dean asked frustrated, Castiel shook his head slowly looking into the wooded area as if he was seeing things there that Dean couldn't,

" You need to stop your brother Dean'', Dean sat up and glared at the angel, memories of his father assaulting him,

" The hell you mean? I am 'not' gonna kill my brother so if that's what you want you can get your angelic ass outta here right now before I kick you back amongst your heavenly throng'' , a warm hand on his shoulder halted him from moving further,

" Either you stop him Dean or we will. Your brother is heading down a dark path Dean, he needs to be stopped, either by your hand or ours'', Dean leapt to his feet and away from the angel, his eyes wide and afraid,

" Where is my brother?'' Dean snarled,

" He is with Caleb, safe''

" He better be'' Dean said angrily " If you touch my brother I don't care what it takes I'll kill each and everyone of you'', Castiel stepped into Deans space and glared into his eyes, Dean took a step back and realised he was backed against a tree. He tentatively looked into the angels eyes and found he couldn't meet the blue gaze peering at him, it was like looking into the sun, too blinding to look at directly, and all that was focused on him,

" You should treat me with some respect'' the angel whispered, " I pulled you out of hell Dean, and I could put you back there just as easily. There are bigger things happening than just you and your brother, Lilith is breaking seals''

" Seals?'' Dean asked his voice breaking, the angel nodded but didn't leave the space he'd invaded,

" Lilith is breaking seals, she only needs to break 66 and ..'' the angel paused, closing his eyes as if the next words pained him,

" And?'' Dean prompted waving his hand to encourage the angel to continue,

" And Lucifer walks free'' he moved away from Dean, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Dean gaped at the angel,

" Lucifer? As in the devil?'' the angel nodded, " But…I thought he was just a fairy tale told in demon school to keep the hellions in line''

" And a few days ago you thought angels were not real either. Lucifer is very real, and if Lilith is successful then it will be hell on earth, and you alone know how that would be'', Dean gulped and nodded,

" But what do you want me to do about it?'' Dean asked

" Only you can stop it Dean, it is in your destiny to stop Lucifer''.

Sam was staring at the impala as if had all the answers in the world, as if it alone could tell him where his brother was, where to find him. But if it did hold the answers then it was remaining infuriatingly quiet with its answers. Sam sighed and ran a tired hand over his face, Caleb was leant against his jeep his eyes closed trying to get a read on where Dean was, the wait was killing him. Since Dean had come back he felt like he'd been living on a knifes edge, his brother just wasn't the same, he was traumatised and rightly so. He just didn't know what to do to help him, save him from the nightmares that plagued his every dream, and to top everything else off Ruby was back in his life promising him revenge, Lilith's head on a plate no less, and whilst it was too late now to save Dean from hell, he could avenge his brother by killing the bitch who had taken him from Sam.

" Sammy I got him'' Caleb yelled, Sam leapt from his position and followed the hunter into the woods, they both began to yell Deans name as they scrambled through the growth,

" Here, I'm here'' a voice yelled back, they made their way into a clearing and found Dean sitting on the floor, his back resting against a tree, his knees tucked under his chin, Sam rushed to his side,

" Dean, are you okay? What the hell happened? Where'd you go? Are you hurt?'', Dean held a hand up stilling Sams flow of questioning,

" I'm fine Sammy, and I'm not really sure what happened, or if I really believe what happened, and no I'm not hurt'', he took a steadying breath and began to tell his brother and best friend where he'd been, what had happened whilst he'd been there and about Castiels revelation of the coming apocalyse. The only thing he didn't tell them was about the angels warning about his brother, that, he was keeping to himself. Sam had been through enough in the past 4 months, he didn't need to know of the ominous warning.

Sam stood suddenly and dragged his hands through his messy mop of hair,

" So all this started so the damn demon could sneak into my nursery and bleed into my mouth? What the fuck?!", Dean stared at his brother, then at Caleb who was watching the younger Winchester with concern on his face rather than shock at the revelation,

" He what?'' Dean asked getting to his feet shakily " Who bled in your mouth Sam?''

" The demon!'' Sam yelled startling a group of birds from their hiding place, they took off into the sky looking like a small dark cloud,

" The de….when did this happen?'' Dean asked confused and slightly afraid, Sam sighed and looked to Caleb for guidance, the psychic nodded then shrugged ' It's your call runt' was the phrase that ran through his head, closing his eyes to compose himself,

" The night mom died'' he said quietly " He was in my nursery, he bled into my mouth, then mom came in and….and he killed her. It showed me, back in Cold Oak. At first I thought he was lying, but it fit, everything fit'' Sam looked to his brother willing him to understand, but Dean wasn't looking at Sam, instead he was glaring at Caleb, fury radiating out of every pore,

" And you knew? You knew this? When were you going to tell me _Caleb_?'', Reaves flinched but turned his amber eyes on the man he'd come to know as his little brother,

" It wasn't my place to tell you Deuce'' Dean stiffened

" Don't call me that, that guy's dead, he was ripped apart and went to hell. My name is Dean'' he brushed past the older hunter knocking his shoulder none too gently as he went. Reaves swallowed and looked at Sam who was watching his brothers back, his mouth open in shock,

" DEAN!!" he yelled coming to his senses and chasing after his brother, Reaves sighed and followed, maybe he'd deserved that, maybe he hadn't, but he knew he was right, it had been Sams secret to tell.

Sam caught up with his brother as he made it to the side of the road, Dean was staring at the impala, his shoulders tense, lips pressed together in tight line,

" What if I'd told him to get a different car? What if I'd let him get the love bus? Maybe things would have been different, maybe mom would still be alive, and they'd be happy. No demons, no dripping blood into baby's mouths. I…..I couldn't stop it Sam, I could have stopped all this from happening'', Sam put a comforting hand on his brothers shoulder and gave it a squeeze,

" I don't think you were meant to Dean, I think this would have been our life no matter what happened'', Dean turned to look at his brother, his green eyes shining with tears,

" I'm sorry Sammy''

" For what?'' Sam asked confused

" For not being strong enough, quick enough, smart enough'' Sam gripped the shoulder harder and gave it a small shake,

" Dean, you have nothing, and I mean nothing to be sorry for. Our lives, it's the demons fault, not yours, we….we just gotta do what we do best''

" What's that?'' Dean asked quietly, Sam smirked

" We waste some sons of bitches and we raise a little hell'', Dean felt his lips curl up in a small smile " And we learn to forgive, even if we don't want to. Life's too short to hold grudges Dean'' he said nodding to their life long friend. Caleb was resting against his jeep watching them carefully, Dean nodded and taking a deep breath moved in front of his best friend,

" I'm sorry Damien'' he mumbled, Caleb startled, then smiled slowly, he gripped Deans shoulder then pulled the younger man into him, Dean brought his arms round and held on,

" It's okay Dean, I understand, I'd be pretty pissed too'', Dean nodded when he stepped away, sniffing back the tears that were his ever present company these days,

" And Damien?''

" Yeah?'' Caleb asked,

" Call me Deuce okay?'' Caleb grinned and punched him in the shoulder, but nodded, Dean was smiling when he looked back up,

" Come on, we should get back Missouri and Mack will be worrying about us, I'll go with Dean Caleb see you back at the farm'', Sam walked to the impala and got in the passenger side waiting for his brother, a small smile playing on his face at the familiarity of the situation, things would be fine, the apocalypse was coming, and a demon was trying to help him get this revenge, but he had Dean back by his side, things could only get better, couldn't they?

A/N; Okay so I feel I should point out that whilst some of the characters are cannon I guess from here on out that this is how I wanted it to go. This is MY supernatural, so if you're expecting it to run alongside the show leave now and forever hold your peace, if not…welcome to the dark side, pull up a chair, take a cookie and relax :0)


	7. Chapter 7

A/N; Okay so I feel I should point out that whilst some of the characters are cannon I guess from here on out that this is how I wanted it to go. This is MY supernatural, so if you're expecting it to run alongside the show leave now and forever hold your peace, if not…welcome to the dark side, pull up a chair, take a cookie and relax J

Days turned into weeks, and still Dean showed no signs of wanting to leave the farm. He avoided Missouri and eventually the psychic left to return to her own home in Kansas, she'd tried talking to Dean but he'd fled the room each time making excuses and not coming back until the house was drenched in darkness. He avoided talking about hell, about his time there, about what he'd done. He didn't want his family to know what he'd become, what hell had turned him into. When he'd first crawled out of that grave so many weeks ago he'd been terrified that he was a demon, that he was no longer Dean 'Captain one helluva big brother' Winchester , now he knew that whilst he wasn't a demon he also know he wasn't 'Captain one helluva big brother' anymore, he was a stranger even in his own eyes, so he didn't know what the others thought of him.

Weak was the word that always floated in his mind, useless, and pathetic were always it's close companions. Sam and Caleb had tried to get him back into hunting, going on small hunts that would ease him back into the swing of things, his 'normal' life, he snorted at the thought and the role reversal that happened upon he and his brother. Now Sam was all for hunting down the demon bitch Lilith, and all Dean wanted was safe and normal, to not be afraid to close his eyes. Looking out over the pond at the dwindling light he sighed heavily,

" It is very peaceful here, I can understand why you like it so'' Castiel's voice was quiet, Dean tensed then looked over his shoulder, the angel was wearing the same blue suit with the wrinkled trench coat over the top of it, he was watching the water a serene expression on his face,

" Why are you here?'', the angel looked at the hunter, cocking his head to the side,

" You aren't doing your job Dean''

" Oh. And what Job's that exactly Cas?''

" What I asked you to do, you need to stop Lilith from breaking the seals''

" But how? And where? I'm not the man I was before, I don't know who or what I am anymore'', Castiel looked deep into Deans eyes, blue meeting green, they held no accusations, or threats, no damnation, only concern and understanding,

" You think you are different because of the things you did?'', Dean sucked in a breath and held it,

" You know about that?'' was his quiet question, the angel nodded his head,

" I know, I was there, I saw. It took us too long to find you, the demons hid you well and by the time I found you it was too late. I am sorry for not helping sooner'' the angel did look truly sorry, his eyes filling with a grief he couldn't hide in the blue depths,

" It's not your fault, you got me out eventually, I was just too weak'' Castiel reached out to the hunter and gripped his shoulder giving it a comforting squeeze,

" You are not weak Dean, you should speak with someone about your time in hell, they will understand'' Dean took a step back from his rescuer shaking his head,

" I….I can't do that, they'll hate me, see me for what I really am''

" And what is that?'' the angel asked

" A coward, a failure, pathetic. Dad was there for over a hundred years you know, and me? I broke in 30. It's all I could stand, I just couldn't bear it anymore, when he asked me to….to, I just said yes, I just wanted it to stop''

" You are not to blame'' the angel looked torn, as if he wanted to add more, but seemed to change his mind " We need you to stop Lilith or all this'' he gestured around him " Will be gone, you are the only one who can stop it Dean'', the elder Winchester took a steadying breath and nodded his head,

" I know'', when he looked back up again he was alone, sighing deeply he knew what he had to do, taking a steadying breath he made his way back to the farm house and the fate of his truths that awaited him.

Dean stood awkwardly in the kitchen doorway, the three people he treasured most in his life were sat hunched over an article in a paper discussing the possibilities of it was a hunt or not, clearing his throat three sets of eyes looked to him, he stepped further into the room and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, the words lodged in his throat, shaking his head he sat down in the remaining chair and took the flask from inside his jacket pocket and took a swift gulp of the amber liquid.

As a child he'd never understood really why his father had loved the drink so much, the whiskey did nothing but burn going down your throat, and confuse the mind, making rational thinking impossible. Now, he understood completely, it muddled his thoughts and stopped the ache in his chest, stopped the despair he was feeling from clawing its way out, and leaving him wide open to attack. He raised his eyes and saw that his mismatched family were still watching him with concern, he basked in the feeling, knowing that it was the last time he probably would. When he told them what he'd done to other souls in hell, that he'd enjoyed doing it, they would shut him out, hate him, maybe even hunt him, maybe he'd swallow a bullet before it came to that,

" Is there something you wanted to say Dean?'' Mack asked, his worried expression cut Dean deeper than any of the demons knives who had tortured him, he nodded,

" Yeah'' he said quietly, " But I need you to listen, without interrupting'' he turned to his brother as he said this and received a nod, taking a deep breath and keeping his eyes trained on the table top he began his tale.

" I don't know if you know this, but time moves differently in hell, different dimensions and all that I guess, but what was four months here was forty years there. Forty years of blood, fire and screams. I lied to you, I do remember hell, I remember it all. I remember everything that happened to me, there was this one demon, Alistair, and everyday before the torture began he'd ask me the same question, 'to climb off the rack and torture souls', if I did that my own torture would end, I'd be free. Everyday I told him no, every damn day for….for thirty years I told him no, but…I….I couldn't do it anymore, it was too much, there was so much pain….. and I……I climbed off, I took up that knife and I did it. I tortured souls, I ripped, and tore, and….I..I liked it'' he raised his tortured green eyes, tears making the green shimmer like jewels.

" I don't know what or who I am anymore, I'm not a demon, I know that much, I mean I passed all the tests, but I'm not who I was before either, but I have a job to do, I have to stop Lilith or hell will be here on earth, I can't let that happen, I won't. So whatever you need to do, let me do my job first'' he laughed though it held no humour " Hell I'll even put a bullet in my own head so you don't have to do it, but let me do my job''. He dared to meet the eyes of his family, they were staring at him in shocked silence and Dean nodded his head as if acknowledging his own fears had been met, they didn't want him now. He was tainted by hell but in the worst way possible. He had willingly tortured other souls, ripped them apart and found purpose in his work. He stood slowly and moved to leave to room when a hand on his arm stopped him,

" I'm sorry Dean'' Sam's voice trembled " This is all my fault'', Dean dared to look in his brothers face and saw his young face was streaked by tears, he looked so young, so much like the baby brother he knew and loved, who he sold his soul for,

" No it's not Sam, none of this is your fault, it's mine, I did all that, not you''

" But if you hadn't sold your soul for me you wouldn't have had to go to hell, and you wouldn't have been there all that time. God Dean how did you last so long?''

" Don't'' Dean whispered, " Please Sam, I…….I should have held out longer, shouldn't have broken''

" That's a crock of shit Deuce and you know it, you did what you had to do to survive, anyone would've done the same''

" Dad wouldn't'' Dean whispered, it was Mack who spoke next, coming to stand in front of the broken man who he loved like a son, he gripped his biceps tightly and made him meet his eyes,

" We don't know that Dean, we have no idea what happened to your father whilst he was in hell, just that he managed to climb out and help his sons when they needed him the most. You don't know that he didn't suffer the same way as you, or that he succumbed to the torture. He would be proud of you, no look at me Dean, he would be proud of you, I'm proud of you, I always will be, and no matter what happens, we will always have your back'', Dean searched Mack's grey eyes, searching for any lie, or judgement but found none. Mack pulled him into a comforting embrace and Sam and Caleb cocooned him on either side,

" We're in this together Deuce'' Caleb whispered " One for all, and all for one'', Dean laughed softly and held on tighter.

The angel had been right, they didn't hate him, and he knew that with Caleb and Sammy by his side that he could win this battle, that Lilith wouldn't succeed in her quest to bring hell to earth. They'd stop it together, as the triad, as friends, as brothers. For the first time since he'd returned back from hell Dean actually felt like he knew himself, it was a good feeling.

A/N: And actually, I think that's it, to me this story actually feels complete now, I don't think there's any other place I can take it. I wanted to bring Ruby into it, and for her to die by Sams hand, for him to kill her protecting his brother, but I don't know if that would work, let me know and if enough of you ask for it I'll try and add it as an extra chapter. Of course to be honest I'm not expecting many reviews after the length of absence I took from this tale. But I hope you enjoyed it none the less, and thanks so much for reading xxx


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